Because I have that kind of time, I will take a look at what the picks would be if you chose the NCAA strictly on mascots, like several women (who always seem to win) do. My bracket will come Thursday, so my picks cannot be stolen. Here goes, starting with the East Regional.
1 North Carolina vs. 16 Coppin State or Mount St. Mary's
The Tar Heels can cause people to stick once touched. An Eagle could fly away from a Tar Heel, and a Mountaineer can avoid it, but UNC has a ram as well. The ram gives the Heels the edge.
8 Indiana vs. 9 Arkansas
What is a Hoosier? Nobody is quite sure. Wikipedia says it's a resident of Indiana. I'll take a wild hog over a guy from Indiana.
5 Notre Dame vs. 12 George Mason
Both Fighting Irish and Patriots are tough SOB's. But there's one difference: The Patriots were successful in one try against the British. The Irish took much longer and more than one rebellion to gain independence. The edge goes to the Patriots.
4 Washington State vs. 13 Winthrop
An Eagle can avoid a Cougar for a while by flying high, but sooner or later, he must take a rest. That takes place in a tree. Cougars can climb trees.
6 Oklahoma vs. 11 Saint Josephs
Sooners are settlers of the prarie. Hawks are fierce birds of prey. A hawk is more deadly than a settler.
3 Louisville vs. 14 Boise State
Cardinals are tough birds. But what chance does a bird have against a rampaging horse?
7 Butler vs. 10 South Alabama
Bulldogs are feisty and tough. But Jaguars are huge cats, and supposed to be feared. Simply put, there is a reason the Mayans worshipped the cat.
2 Tennessee vs. 15 American
All an Eagle can do is fly away from the Volunteer. The Eagle can't do much damage to the guy, and when the Volunteer fires, he has to kill an endangered species to do it, but he survives.
1 North Carolina vs. 9 Arkansas
The ram was enough to get by an eagle. It will not save the Tar Heels against a wild pig. Were the name the Tar Pits, the pig is screwed, but Heels are not big enough.
12 George Mason vs. 4 Washington State
The Patriot may have been a tough SOB, but if he meets a Cougar, he is only tough to digest.
11 Saint Josephs vs. 14 Boise State
See Louisville. What chance does a bird have against a rampaging horse?
10 South Alabama vs. 2 Tennessee
This matchup depends on the preparedness of the Volunteer. If he is ready to fire and a good shot, he can win. The feeling is that he becomes lunch.
9 Arkansas vs 4 Washington State
The Cougar and Razorback are both things you do not want to come up against in the wild. But the Cougar is more powerful and causes more fear, so the pig becomes bacon.
14 Boise State vs. 10 South Alabama
The Bronco can run, but the Jaguar has teeth and likes the taste of horse meat. The Bronco cannot hurt the Jaguar, and cannot run a Statue of Liberty.
4 Washington State vs. 10 South Alabama
Who wins between a Cougar and a Jaguar? The Jaguar is the king, and the Cougar puts up a fight, but the Jaguar has enough to claim the crown in the East.
The South is up next.
1 Memphis vs 16 Texas-Arlington
A Tiger against a Maverick. A Maverick is some type of cowboy. Cowboys don't have experience with Tigers. Memphis wins.
8 Mississippi State vs. 9 Oregon
A Bulldog has teeth. As learned from the movie The Mighty Ducks, a Duck does not, so the Bulldog eats the Duck.
5 Michigan State vs. 12 Temple
A Spartan is a fierce soldier. An Owl is a nocturnal bird who is devoid of an ability to attack. You tell me who wins.
4 Pittsburgh vs. 13 Oral Roberts
A Panther can certainly eat a Golden Eagle once the Eagle stops to rest after a long flight. I've never seen a Golden Eagle, but I would bet it's no different from a regular eagle besides its color.
6 Marquette vs. 11 Kentucky
Another Cat vs. Golden Eagle matchup. If a Panther can eat a Golden Eagle, a Wildcat certainly can do the same.
3 Stanford vs. 14 Cornell
Cardinal vs. Red. It's a battle of colors. Cardinal is a better shade of red.
7 Miami vs. 10 St. Mary's
This is the type of Gael who has something to do with a church. Even if it was the storm, a Hurricane is more powerful.
2 Texas vs. 15 Austin Peay
A Longhorn can skewer a Governor. The Governor would have one chance, that being if he ordered the Longhorn slaughtered. But the Longhorn is pretty powerful, and can avoid capture.
1 Memphis vs. 8 Mississippi State
A Tiger is stronger than a Bulldog, and can rip it to pieces. That's the third cat over a dog. The dogs just aren't powerful enough.
5 Michigan State vs. 4 Pittsburgh
A Spartan could kill a Panther with its sword. A Panther can tear open the Spartan's body. The Panther is quicker, and gets the nod (and meal)
11 Kentucky vs. 3 Stanford
A Wildcat is much better than a color. Want to give Stanford the bird? Might as well give Kentucky lunch.
7 Miami vs. 2 Texas
A Longhorn is powerful. But as powerful as it is, it cannot attack a force of wind.
1 Memphis vs. 4 Pittsburgh
A Tiger is a little higher in the animal kingdom than a Panther. The Tiger claws its way past a worthy foe.
11 Kentucky vs. 7 Miami
The Wildcat is a fierce fighter. But there is no way it can attack a storm. Miami may be an unstoppable force.
1 Memphis vs. 7 Miami
This is tough for the Hurricane, because the Tiger has the jungle to hide itself in. But in a rain forest, the Hurricane will not weaken for lack of water to gain strength. The Hurricane wins.
1 Kansas vs. 16 Portland State
A Viking is a fighter of the north. A Jayhawk is a mythical bird that steals eggs. The 16 seed strikes a victory.
8 UNLV vs 9 Kent State
A Flash of gold is not really threatening. In fact, for a Running Rebel from Las Vegas, it's a common sight. The Rebel wins.
5 Clemson vs 12 Villanova
The Tiger and the Wildcat, who emerges? I'll give it to the Tiger, but not by much.
4 Vanderbilt vs 13 Siena
A Commodore is a naval man. A Saint has the power of God. The Saint can ask God to send a storm to sink the Commodore's ship.
6 USC vs. 11 Kansas State
A Trojan is a warrior, but a Wildcat can handle a Trojan if he is not quick enough. Usually, he is not.
3 Wisconsin vs. 14 CS-Fullerton
Denzel Washington was wrong, Titans were NOT greater than the gods. They also have problems with rabid Badgers.
7 Gonzaga vs. 10 Davidson
You should know how this works by now. Bulldogs do not beat Wildcats.
2 Georgetown vs. 15 UMBC
A Hoya is actually a Greek word, but a Bulldog is used. Fine. A bulldog trumps a Retriever.
16 Portland State vs. 8 UNLV
A Rebel can run from a Viking even if he gets ready to attack. The Rebel is not a bad fighter either.
5 Clemson vs. 13 Siena
A Saint can get away with asking God to sink a boat one time, but Scripture says not to put the Lord to the test. The Saint gets his comeuppance for violating Scripture as the Tiger mauls him.
11 Kansas State vs. 3 Wisconsin
The Wildcat will fight hard, but has little chance with the Badger.
10 Davidson vs. 2 Georgetown
Wildcats beat Bulldogs. Next.
8 UNLV vs. 5 Clemson
The Tiger gets lunch again as the Rebel cannot outrun it.
3 Wisconsin vs. 10 Davidson
A Wildcat again faces the Badger. The Badger wins again.
5 Clemson vs. 3 Wisconsin
The Badger gets another cat to attack. The Badger marches on.
1 UCLA vs. 16 Mississippi Valley State
A Delta Devil only has power in the Mississippi River. The matchup is in Anaheim, so the Bruin survives.
8 BYU vs. 9 Texas A&M
The Cougar can tear up a guy interested in agriculture.
5 Drake vs. 12 Western Kentucky
A Hilltopper can climb mountains. A Bulldog cannot.
4 Connecticut vs. 13 San Diego
Toreros kill bulls, not Huskies. But a Husky is devoid of horns, so the edge goes to the bull-killer.
6 Purdue vs. 11 Baylor
A Boilermaker builds train parts and other mechanical thing. A Bear would tear him to pieces.
3 Xavier vs. 14 Georgia
A Musketeer can easily shoot a Bulldog.
7 West Virginia vs. 10 Arizona
Mountaineers can avoid Wildcats for a brief time by climbing the mountain. But sooner or later, the Wildcat climbs and tears apart the Mountaineer.
2 Duke vs. 15 Belmont
A Bruin is very powerful, but a Blue Devil has power no matter where he's at. The mystical force allows him to triumph.
1 UCLA vs. 8 BYU
A Bruin has a little more power than a Cougar.
12 Western Kentucky vs. 13 San Diego
The Hilltopper is far less bloodthirsty than the Torero.
11 Baylor vs. 3 Xavier
Musketeers can shoot Bears just as easily as Bulldogs.
10 Arizona vs. 2 Duke
The Blue Devil can make life hell for the Wildcat.
1 UCLA vs. 13 San Diego
The Torero has never come up against an animal like the Bruin.
2 Duke vs. 3 Xavier
The Blue Devil can certainly avoid a musket, taking away the Musketeer's one powerful weapon.
1 UCLA vs. 2 Duke
The Bruin survived a Delta Devil, but can't survive a Blue Devil with no geographic restriction.
10 South Alabama vs. 3 Wisconsin
The Badger has had a nice run, but the Jaguar is the king for a reason, and tears apart the Badger.
7 Miami vs. 2 Duke
The Hurricane has been outstanding, but the wind storm has no power in hell.
10 South Alabama vs. 2 Duke
Once again, the mystical power of the Blue Devil is enough, as the Jaguar suffers in hell.
So you get Duke beating a team from the Sun Belt. This is why the mascot strategy tends not to make sense. But it usually works for some reason. Who knows?
My time is up. You've all been great. Enjoy Diamond Rio.